You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
