Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
