Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
