Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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