Already got asked if we're dating
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize
