Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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