haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
