she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
