sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
