do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
