I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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