you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
