Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
