She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
