My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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