So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
