Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
