btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
