my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
