I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
