Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
