I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
