The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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