Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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