do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
