Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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