Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i already hear my dad disowning me
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
