Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
