Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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