So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
