Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
