New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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