the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
