Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
