It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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