Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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