Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
