if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
