??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
