I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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