I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
