I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
