Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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