i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Even my vagina gasped.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
