I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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