this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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