my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
