Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
