If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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