What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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