I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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