he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
